Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
