I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
