i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
