i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
