He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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