Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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