I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
