i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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