I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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