sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
