I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
