This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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