He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
