I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
