How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
