Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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