I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
