so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
