toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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