I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
