Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We had sex on a dog bed..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
