like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
