If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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