Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
