just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
