The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
