He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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