I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
