yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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