The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
