What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
