Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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