I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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