It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize