is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
