the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
