Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
