I hate all girls vehemently.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
