he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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