how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
