I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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