Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
