I'm laying in your front yard are you home
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize