You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
