I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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