you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
