Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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