I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
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Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize