I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's just like the Real World with babies
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
