I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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