I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
