you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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