hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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