fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just want nice things and good sex
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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