Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
