Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
