He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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