apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
