the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
