You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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