Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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