people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
