She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
