I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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