Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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