Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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