why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
