What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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