my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
