he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
