I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
