Umm I'm too high to move.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
