I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
