Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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