Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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